Update

8 Jan

Bismillah

Wow. It has been almost a year since I last update this blog.

Not sure whether it’s the busy working life, unavailability of laptop for easy typing, laziness, lack of motivation, different interest or lack of ideas. I guessed it’s the combination of all factors mentioned. Heh.

Thus, with the start of new year 2014, I have made a resolution to myself and decided to make it public!

I..Habibah..hereby..promise to myself..to try my best to update this blog at least…fortnightly! (psst..telling others meant I cannot betray my promise publicly!)

I miss writing. A lot! Writing has always been one of my interest. It keep my mind on the go.

You perceive things differently if you are a writer. It makes you absorb things around you and seeing your own life as third person 😉

I write not to impress but to express.

So, please pray for me Insya-Allah.

And the pen is lifted~

Kecurian

27 May

Saya hanya mampu menggelengkan kepala.

Terasa jantung berdegup kencang dan badan terasa panas. Apakah rasa marah atau terkejut atau risau, saya sendiri tidak pasti.

Tetapi saat membuka beg usai solat pagi itu, cukup membuatkan jiwa saya kacau sepanjang hari. Allah.. Allah..

Up to date, I’ve lost more things in the hospital than I ever had in my quarter decade of life. Hospital doesn’t seem to be a safe place anymore. The common room for houseman is apparently the target for the ever opportunistic thieves.

I did blame myself for leaving my things unguarded. For believing that people will actually think twice before doing bad things.

But..Why..why would people steal? Why would someone open someone else’s bag and took something which is not theirs? Why are they not thinking of the consequences..to the person..to themselves..in this world and the hereafter? How can they be at peace with what they’re doing? Allah..

Semua persoalan itu datang bertubi-tubi meminta jawapan. Tetapi saya tidak menemukannya. I couldn’t think of any more excuses for them. Saya hanya mampu berdoa supaya diberi ketenangan hati sendiri..to think positive..that it happened for as reason..

I know that there’s a slim chance that I’ll ever see my lost things again. Tetapi saya masih berharap agar ada sekelumit cuma rasa bersalah di dalam diri orang yang ‘mengambil’ barang saya itu, agar dia memulangkannya semula..or at least  not doing it again. There’s  hope, right?

Ah, sukarnya menghilangkan galau di hati…

Dan pena pun diangkat~

Separuh separuh

16 May

Dia teringat akan kejadian di sekolah tadi. Bila mana dia dimarahi oleh gurunya kerana tidak menyiapkan kerja sekolah.

“Alah, mana sempat. Semua cikgu pun nak bagi homework. Semua subjek ada kerja. Macam mana nak buat ulangkaji”

Kata-kata tersebut hanya terbuku di dalam hati. Di depan gurunya, dia diam seribu bahasa.

Dia terbayang pula makanan malam yg disiapkan ibunya. Rasa marahnya hilang bila teringatkan perutnya yang lapar.

“Tak sabarnya nak makan. Sambil makan tu boleh tengok drama tu” mindanya mula mencatur agenda pada malam itu..

“Assalamualaikum warahmatullah…”
“Assalamualaikum warahmatullah…”

Dia terdiam. Dah habis rupanya solat maghrib tiga rakaat. Entah di mana alfatihah, sujud dan rukuknya…banyak sungguh perkara yang singgah di fikiran dalam jangka solat yang pendek itu.
Dia menggelengkan kepala. Aduh!

Geleng kepala sudah tiada berguna. Yang didirikan sudah tertulis di dalam buku amalan.
Itulah orang kata..solatlah seperti kamu akan mati pada esok hari..seperti itu solat yang terakhir kalinya..

Heh.

Itu namanya solat separuh separuh. Si ‘dia’ dalam cerita di atas boleh jadi sesiapa pun dari kalangan kita.

Separuh khusyuk, separuh lalai. Kalau dicampur, sama dengan kosong? Urgh. Nauzubillah

Jom, perbaiki solat kita!
1. Buang dulu hal-hal yang jadi sepanjang hari dari fikiran.
2. Istighfar banyak-banyak kali sebelum angkat takbir.
3. Fokus dan hayati makna bacaan solat.
4. Pakai wangian yang khas untuk solat.
5. Pastikan tempat solat kita ‘bebas’ dari benda-benda yang boleh melarikan kekhusyukan.
6. Ingat yang solat tersebut tiada gantinya. We want to do the best. Tidak mahu hanya yang top-up punya markah sahaja.
7. Kalau terlalai juga dalam solat, cepat2 istighfar.
8. Solat berjemaah itu tentunya lagi bagus!

p/s: kena selalu ingatkan diri macam ni🙂 (senyum senget)

Dan pena pun diangkat~

Ceritera adik bongsu

30 Apr

Today my youngest sister aka budak kecik in our family- received her scholarship offer. Alhamdulillah. It’s an offer for study in geology in Canada with two years foundation programme in sunway college. The whole family is excited over the news🙂

She’s still waiting for other replies as well but this offer has already made her feel like on cloud 7. Whose not?

Months before she started her SPM exam, we probe her on her ambition. My parents were keen on her becoming a doctor. But this girl just kept silent. Geleng tidak, angguk pun tidak. Eheh.

While waiting for the result, we asked her again. She refused to say anything until the result is confirmed.
There’s this one time when we sort of forcing her to be a doctor- and she cried. Opps!! Hi3
And she made me recall my post result journey- of choosing the pathway. I cried too! Cause I want to be a doctor and didn’t want to apply for engineering. I’m afraid that I’ll get engineering if I apply for it-that will put me in dilemma of choosing a career, not place to further study! Hu2. Terbalikla pulak kan🙂
My other siblings also cried during those period of theirs. It’s just feel normal to do so🙂 – you just finish school and now need to enter the ‘adult’ world where the future is uncertain and you wonder about the road not taken. Which one is better?

But Allah knows best🙂

(Ehem, guys, tell me, what happen during your post announcement result? Ada yang kena paksa rela tak?)

Only after the result announcement did the little girl mentioned about her interest in engineering. “Na rasa taknak jadi doktorla. Na minat engineering”
So she knows what she wants🙂

Being a supportive family members, we support her decision and provide encouragement- with abah being the most involved🙂

I’ve chosen my path. It’s been almost a year since I graduated from medical school and the graduation day was indeed one of the best moment in my life🙂 7 years…
We have chosen our path. Kakyong, banglang, ateh, achik..we have all chosen our path and are doing our best to achieve our dreams.

Now it’s your battle to achieve yours. The road will not always be easy but we have Him. Make dua and strive for the best insya Allah.

Na, angah doakan yang terbaik!

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for your endless blessing to our family! :’)

And the pen is lifted~

Being a doctor

28 Apr

Being a doctor is an art.

Since I started this surgical posting,
I have been taking consents, explaining procedures and giving reassurance to the ever anxious and agitated family members (read: RE assurance)

It requires an art of explaining…

The patient is gravely ill and can collapse anytime.
“Encik, keadaan emak encik sekarang tidak berapa stabil. Tekanan darah dia agak rendah dan oksigen dalam darah pun kurang. Bla bla bla..”
“Kami akan buat yang terbaik”

And the relatives response;
“Tapi emak saya ok kan. Dia tak apa-apa?”

The first time I received that kind of response, I was perplexed. Which part of the explanation that they don’t understand? Was I using jargons? Was my tone too relax? Was the patient condition looks normal to them? Or they just simply in denial?

Later did I realized that people need  reassurance. Comfort. They would like to hear that their relatives are doing fine and things cannot go wrong.
For which I am terribly sorry. I cant say ‘Jangan risau. IA dia tak apa-apa’ I just can’t.

My ending statement will usually be..
“Kami tak pasti lagi macam mana. Tapi encik..kita manusia hanya mampu berusaha, yang menyembuh itu bukan kita. Doa banyak-banyak encik. IA semoga berjalan lancar”

Bukan mahu dikata doktor yang baik, cuma mahu diri sendiri dan orang lain sedar, Allah is the ultimate healer…

It also requires the art of patience

One day, I was taking a consent for laparoscopic appendicectomy from the caretaker. Upon explaining the risk (read: risiko) of the operation, the father replied;
“Itu bukan risiko. Itu kecuaian namanya doktor”
“Macam mana boleh jadi pendarahan atau kecederaan pada organ lain..itu cuai namanya”

I was silenced by the statement. Risk was interpreted as sloppiness?
And that day, we had a language lesson, explaining what is risk, what is accident and what it meant by carelessness. He refused to accept the word risk.

And my ending statement would be similar to above.
Doctors aren’t god and doctors are not perfect.

It also requires art of teamwork and good time management

If not, you’ll find yourself struggling alone and stress seorang diri😛
Review patients, takes blood, trace results, do dressings, do discharge summaries, request for imaging, ward round with MO, ward round with specialist, attend to patient’s complaint, clerk new patients…all of those ward works which are not fun if being done alone. Believe me.

Being a houseman itself is an art. An art of being a doctor- not a clerk. To think while doing and to process the information given and manage patient with the best of your knowledge.

For if you not doing so-you probably are the highest paid clerk in Malaysia.

Love your job – it’s an art – an art of loving.


And the pen is lifted~